


(Im)possibilities and Implications

by ch0imineul



Category: H&D (Korea Band), Produce 101 (TV), UNIQ (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 18:37:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20661860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ch0imineul/pseuds/ch0imineul
Summary: Seungyoun realized that he had done too much of pretending these past months. Acting as if Hangyul being near didn't make his palms sweaty, his heart trip over a beat, his breath knocked out of his lungs, his face heat up, and his lips buzz at the need to kiss the younger senseless. Pretending that he was content the way they were, that he didn't want more.





	(Im)possibilities and Implications

**Author's Note:**

> "One is reluctant to dream, and reluctant not to dream—trapped in romantic purgatory.
> 
> The other one was reluctant to assume, and reluctant not to assume—stood still at a fork in the road."

Hangyul was seated on the bed, back against the headboard, with Seungyoun straddling his lap, both of them still fully-clothed, an irony to the seductive movement of their bodies against each other. With both his hands gripping Seungyoun's hips, he urged the older to move in the speed and the level of friction that had them both moaning in each other's mouths.

"Hyung..." he growled thickly at the back of his throat, neither saying anything more nor waiting for the older to reply.

Seungyoun was already hastily unbuttoning Hangyul's shirt with his smaller hands trembling as he ran them all over the younger's chest, feeling the smooth, warm surface and all its planes and dips; as if it was their first time again, as if his tongue hadn't already tasted each surface his hands were now exploring.

Seungyoun felt Hangyul lick at his lips, seeking entrance, with a small gruff sound. Hangyul's lips were sinful. They were thick and full. And right now, they were moist and hungry. For Seungyoun's lips. And the older didn't have the power to refuse Hangyul—never really did—so he surrendered.

Seungyoun parted his lips and let the younger taste every corner and every nook of his mouth, knocking the air out of both their lungs. He moaned into the kiss and it didn't matter whether it was from intense pleasure or the lack of oxygen; neither one of them seemed to want to end the kiss or stop it from deepening.

Hangyul heaved out a breath as he tore his lips from Seungyoun's, now wrapping his arms around the older's waist and ducking his head to nose at Seungyoun's neck to catch his breath, but a familiar fragrance tickled his nose. "You're wearing it," he murmured against the older's warm, smooth skin.

Seungyoun could only deliriously hum out an "Mm-hmm" to confirm that he was indeed wearing the perfume that was actually Hangyul's. But at the feeling of Hangyul kissing and licking on his neck, Seungyoun had his eyes screwed shut and his head thrown back, painting a picture of both surrender & ecstasy.

The younger's button-down shirt was now off of his shoulders, but wasn't completely off of him yet yet. And he looked like a complete wreck, breaths rough and heavy.

And Seungyoun thought that Hangyul looked so much like Seungyoun's feelings for him—messy and confused.

Hangyul started shoving the collar of the older's shirt to the side to uncover more skin for his lips to mark with open-mouthed kisses.

And it was wrong timing, really. That those three little words chose this particular moment to bubble up from Seungyoun's chest to dance right at the tip of his tongue.

_I love you._

So Seungyoun bit down on his lip to trap the words inside and instead, looked down on Hangyul who was focused on getting both their shirts off, all quick and wild hand movements as if he couldn't get both of them naked quickly enough. 

So, Seungyoun arrested Hangyul's face between his palms making the younger pause and look at him in confusion. "We have time..." Seungyoun whispered, letting his thumb graze Hangyul's bottom lip back and forth, and letting his eyes tell the other that they were in no hurry.

"Fuck, I know that," Hangyul sighed, gaze still transfixed on Seungyoun's lips, pupils dilated, and hot breath fanning over Seungyoun's thumb. "But I just want you so fucking much already--"

The rest of his words were silenced with Seungyoun's lips against his, kissing him slowly but feverishly. Not soon afterwhich, he felt the younger's tension dissolve as they perfectly and so gradually melted against each other, more patient this time. 

And in the darkness of the room, where only the sound of heavy breathing, pained whimpers, and impatient moaning can be heard, the older wished that Hangyul was as crazy over  him as he was over making love to Seungyoun; wished Hangyul loved him half as much as Seungyoun loved him.

_Fuck_ , Seungyoun thought. How do you drag someone from the Friends With Benefits zone to the Boyfriend Zone?

*

Seungyoun slipped inside his dorm and reached for the switch to turn the lights off once he'd locked the door. He hoped that the dark & quiet space could offer mental solace after he had seen Hangyul on a date with someone else. In the younger's favorite coffee shop, nonetheless.

Cho Seungyoun wasn't one to stake claims and mark territories but that was  _his_ Lee frickin' Hangyul. At least, in his heart & mind, that's who he considered Hangyul to be. That's who he wanted Hangyul to be.

He has actually decided beforehand that tomorrow will be the day he confesses to and propositions Hangyul to something more than trading pleasures & favors in bed. It was long overdue and really, Seungyoun was just tired of bottling his feelings up, especially because each time with Hangyul had started becoming sweeter, drawn out, and hotter than the last time.

It was addicting. Hangyul was addicting. And somewhere between crumpled sheets and the sweet smell of sex in the bedroom, Seungyoun realized that he couldn't take anymore of Hangyul's slow & selfless lovemaking (or otherwise, rough & passionate sometimes) without aching to go beyond their arrangement which was more popularly called as "friends with benefits".

Seungyoun just knew he couldn't risk just blurting out "I love you" to Hangyul (which he almost did  _again_ last night by the way) in between hot kisses, because there wasn't supposed to be feelings in the first place.

So he'd set out to plan on doing the right thing—confess to Hangyul.

He planned to order Hangyul's favorite Chinese and just to make it a teensie bit more special, Seungyoun planned to buy Hangyul's favorite New York Cheesecake, over which he was planning to lay his feelings and sentiments naked; along with the dogtag necklace that the younger had been eyeing for months. It now lay inside Seungyoun's drawer in a box that looked fancier and more romantic than Seungyoun was ready for given the current situation.

It will probably never see the light of day now, seeing as things didn't exactly go as planned because what Seungyoun got from the restaurant was a slice of reality instead, when he saw Hangyul with someone else. And it would have been okay if Hangyul wasn't seated on the same side of the booth as the other guy, huddled too closely, and obviously comfortable with the other guy laying a hand on top of his in a way that cannot be mistaken as purely platonic.

The sight made Seungyoun freeze in his spot for a second, turn on his heel, forget about the goddamn cake, and head towards the exit with not so much as another glance as he felt his heart rise to his throat; all the (im)possibilities and implications of what he saw causing the back of his eyes to get that telltale sting.

That was about half an hour ago, and though his tearless eyes concealed the myriad of emotions washing over him, his chest was an entirely different story. It felt tight and heavy, as if something was painfully lodged in it.

Rubbing the heel of his other free hand against his eyes, Seungyoun double-checked the locks while one question bounced off of one corner of his mind to another, back and forth.  _"So what now?" _

Honestly, with how edgy and high-strung he felt, Seungyoun had no clue how to answer that question. His skin felt tight against his bones & muscles and he just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again and have to deal with reality. He didn't want to face the younger tonight. Or anytime soon, he guessed. He couldn't do it. Not after what he saw.

Maybe until he has processed the reality of Hangyul dating someone else while they continue—or otherwise, decide to stop—being friends with benefits? Until this churning in his stomach went away, and stopped writhing and twisting in a knot, making him uncomfortable and confused and all types of hurt.

Seungyoun flattened his back against the door, darted a hand through his hair in distress, and slid down so that he was seated on the floor, head in his hands, brain screaming _"Fool!" _ at himself. Well, that's exactly what he was.

He'd had to remind himself about the callous agreement bounding him to Hangyul a million times in the past months albeit self-depracatingly and depressingly so it really should have been clear that, until they'd both agreed on becoming more, he had no business acting as if he had some sort of claim over the other guy. A laughable notion now, because he hasn't even gotten around to confessing yet. And after tonight, he sure as hell wasn't planning to anymore. Besides, who's to say that Hangyul even felt the same about him, right? 

_Pitiful. _ Seungyoun drilled this word onto his head as he tried (to no avail) to stomach the reality he was slapped with tonight.

After all, what's stopping anyone who got close enough to really know Hangyul, from falling in love with him and actually making a move unlike Seungyoun who has put it off for months?

Regret unfurled like an ugly disease inside Seungyoun's chest as he was left questioning himself why he'd let himself grow complacent with thinking that if he couldn't have Hangyul's heart yet, at least, he had Hangyul's body which he could work his way to the heart with.  _Pathetic._

They had actually been seeing each other in this loose, casual arrangement for over half a year now, with Seungyoun falling head over heels in love with Hangyul one smile, kiss, touch, and secret, stolen moment at a time.

_ But it's too late now, isn't it?  If only I'd been able to tell him yesterday. Or this morning, then-- _

"Hyung," Hangyul's warm & familiar voice sliced through the darkness, shattering the silence that was Seungyoun's dorm from the other side of the door, making the older slap a hand over his own mouth in a gasp.

Seungyoun doesn't even know how long he's been sitting on the floor, mind racing and heart aching.

"Seungyoun hyung? I know you're in there." 

Five seconds passed. One minute. Seungyoun's heart started thumping even more irregularly; the sound of Hangyul's low, raspy voice making one of Seungyoun's most automatic bodily functions go berserk.

And he could still hear Hangyul's heavy breathing.  _Did he run here?_ Seungyoun's heart clenched. He never really was strong enough. Not when it came to Lee Hangyul.

"It's late, Hangyul-ah," Seungyoun called out from his side of the door. It was worth a try.

Hangyul didn't answer immediately, making Seungyoun bite down on his bottom lip in worry over what was going on in Hangyul's mind. 

Seungyoun wouldn't be surprised if Hangyul had caught on something being up, what with the younger being here and begging to have the door opened to him after Seungyoun specifically texted him,  _ "Hey, something came up and I can't see you over at my place tonight ." _

Seungyoun realized that he had done too much of pretending these past months. Acting as if Hangyul being near didn't make his palms sweaty, his heart trip over a beat, his breath knocked out of his lungs, his face heat up, and his lips buzz at the need to kiss the younger senseless. Pretending that he was content the way they were, that he didn't want more.

So Seungyoun was left to hope that Hangyul would just heed his request to be left alone tonight, mostly because he knows that just one glance at Hangyul's eyes would render him defenseless, and that one touch from Hangyul's big, warm hands would be more than he could take. And Seungyoun needed both a clear head and at least a half-functioning heart to re-plot his next course of action, both of which he didn't have right now. And then time. He needed the time to un-involve himself. Detach himself. Un-invest all these emotions that he and Hangyul agreed from the onset to steer clear off of.

As if that was such a feasible thing to do overnight.

_When did it happen anyway?_ Seungyoun wondered, as if now was the perfect opportunity to reminisce all the times he spent together with the younger, to find out when exactly Hangyul's smile started making his heart ache. When he started longing for Hangyul's voice to be the first thing he hears in the morning, when he memorized the smell of Hangyul's skin, and started recognizing it imprinted on the warm, empty space on the bed beside him in most mornings, making him feel all fluttered & fuzzy. But also so damn lonely and sorry for himself.

He knows it wasn't during their first intimate night together when Seungyoun asked—no, pleaded for Hangyul to take him. "Hangyul-ah, if you don't hurry up..." he rasped desperately against the younger's bare shoulder as Hangyul did magical things to Seungyoun's ear with his teeth and tongue, making the older's toes curl and his body arch slightly off the bed. Oh, how the tables have turned.

The younger didn't have to be told twice as he complied with a playful, "So impatient," that he whispered right at Seungyoun's ear.

It was bittersweet to remember these now, especially with this predicament currently at hand, but it doesn't fail to bring a small smile to Seungyoun's lips also.

So was it the next morning then, when they agreed to become friends with benefits? "Are you sure about this?" Seungyoun asked, pulling the sheets up to cover his chest consciously as he watched Hangyul's eyes twinkle in mischief and desire. Again. Roaming all over his torso with intent, as if the hours they spent exploring each other's bodies the previous night did absolutely nothing to sate the gaping hole of thirst they had for each other.

"Never been more sure," Seungyoun remembered Hangyul answering, before the younger crawled to hover over him in all fours.

That morning, they had a fill of each other again. Not just once. Not just in the bedroom. And it was already afternoon when they decided they needed food and that they really should just continue coloring Seungyoun's flat with their lust the following night.

Seungyoun's body was still tingling from Hangyul's ministrations when he laid in his bed that night, counting down the hours until he sees Hangyul again; to kiss him and touch him. He couldn't wait to thread his fingers through Hangyul's hair and hear the younger's ragged moan as he pulls on it gently; couldn't wait to hear the other deliciously scandalous sounds that he knew Hangyul could make.

So was it the following week when Hangyul had asked about Seungyoun's tattoos for the first time? "Tell me," Hangyul insisted with a small whine that was more appropriate for a kid than a guy in his 20s.

"Fine," Seungyoun sighed, rolling his eyes playfully and trying to feign impatience, "But only if you promise that we...  you know ... after I tell you?" He really doesn't know why Hangyul suddenly wanted to talk about the ink decorating his skin so suddenly. He'd rather the younger decorate his skin with reminders of their lovemaking now, Seungyoun thought.

"Yes," Hangyul drawled out with a chuckle, his slight lisp causing Seungyoun's chest to tighten; endeared & entranced at how imperfectly beautiful Hangyul was in every single way.

They ended up spooning fully-clothed that night instead as Seungyoun eventually grew tired and sleepy from talking about the stories and memories behind each tattoo he had. And Hangyul was the best listener.

(Let it also be known that the older also insisted that he be little spoon. With a small pout, at that.)

Was it last Christmas when they both surprised each other with a gift despite agreeing that they wouldn't get one for each other because  gifts are for couples ? "We both suck at this," Hangyul chuckled, as they handed over their gifts to each other. He scrunched his nose up in a way that tugged at Seungyoun's heart.

_Yes, so let's stop this and just make it real,_ Seungyoun wanted to say but didn't, as he held the small gift box from Hangyul close to his chest, cherishing the moment of acting like a real couple with the guy whom he was willing to give more than just his body to. His heart, his fears, his dreams, his future. They're all Hangyul's... if he would take them.

Was it that one night when Seungyoun lay boneless in the middle of the bed after Hangyul scaled every inch of his body with his teeth, tongue, and lips and then insist that he didn't need the favor returned?  _Probably._

Was it when Seungyoun returned the favor in the wee hours of the following morning anyway?

"Hyung..." Hangyul groaned as he was not-so-gently awakened by the sensation of Seungyoun kissing down his bare torso; the older's hands gliding up and down his sides.

"Ssshhh," Seungyoun shushed him, lips gently grazing the skin right above Hangyul's navel with every word. "Let me, Hangyul-ah..."

Hangyul's sigh carried through the door, dragging Seungyoun's thoughts back to the present. "I know it's late," Hangyul said, "But I also know you aren't asleep yet because the last text message you sent me wasn't so long ago."

Seungyoun pursed his lips and hung his head.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"So, hyung," Hangyul trailed off unsurely, "Can you let me in?"

Seungyoun felt his resolve crumbling. And it was both terrifying and mind-blowing to realize how much power Hangyul holds over him. Still, he tried to come up with a half-convincing excuse to send the younger away, but all he could manage to push past his lips was a short, shallow, "No."

"Ouch. Okay," Hangyul responded in a half-hurt, half-sarcastic tone. "But, uhm," he continued with some hesitation and caution in his voice, "I know you saw me with Yohannie..."

The mental image of Hangyul huddled so cozily in a corner booth with someone else burned beneath Seungyoun's eyelids at the reminder, but still, he didn't say anything in response. Couldn't say anything, even when all he wanted to do was unhinge the locks to his door, let the door swing open, crush Hangyul in a hug so that the younger wouldn't have to see his grief-stricken face and then proceed to beg for all this to be made real. Rules, schedules, quick dismounts, and lonely breakfasts replaced by cute text messages, emojis in their names, petty fights over pet peeves, couple selfies, promises, jealous sex, learning to deal with each other's sleeping and eating habits, plans for the future.  All of it.

"And I also know Yohan would have preferred I spend the night with him but honestly, that's not where I wanted to be," Hangyul added with a heavy sigh.

The (non)confession, though sudden, still made Seungyoun's heart leap in hope.

"And I know, Seungyounie hyung..." Hangyul trailed off as the older frowned at the weight & desparation in the younger's voice. "And I know, if you're feeling the way I'm feeling right now, that that's not where you want me to be either, hyung. So can you please just open the door and let me in? Please?"

"Go home, Hangyul-ah," Seungyoun begged, refusing to read between the lines and refusting to give himself any sense of false hope. And all he got in response from the younger were two dull thuds. He could imagine the guy who didn't know he held Seungyoun's heart in his hand, thumping his forehead against the door in frustration.

"Are we really gonna do  this through a stupid wooden door, huh?" the younger asked, voice now tainted with impatience although Seungyoun didn't miss the pain lacing his tone, too.

"I don't wanna do this at all," Seungyoun keened, all pretense gone, and turning around so that he had his palms and forehead resting on the door also, as if doing so would let some of Hangyul's scent and warmth seep through the door and to his palms. "So, please, Hangyul-ah--"  _I'm not confident enough. If you want to end this, I'm not strong enough._

"What do you mean you don't wanna do this at all?" Hangyul asked, cutting the older off before a long pause ensued and the silence was once again broken by the sound of the doorknob being twisted and turned. "Seungyoun hyung, please... I know you don't want to end it this way," Hangyul declared. "I know you don't," he insisted, despair in in his voice. "Please... Seungyoun hyung..."

He was right. Seungyoun didn't. But he would be lying if he said he wasn't terrified of the freefall, the notion of taking a chance.

Maybe if he hadn't seen Hangyul enjoying himself with someone else...

*

Hangyul knew that his Seungyoun hyung had been in love with him for months. It was unmistakable.

The way Seungyoun became gentler & slower in his lovemaking; more patient, more giving, more passionate. The way Seungyoun had become sweeter and clingier. It was something no one could fake if there weren't any feelings involved.

And it scared Hangyul at first. Not because he was afraid of commitment (the prospect actually didn't seem too bad especially if it's with Seungyoun) but because he felt like he wasn't worthy of being on the receiving end of Seungyoun's love. The older had too much to give and Hangyul felt like he had too little to offer.

So Hangyul had considered ending his arrangement with Seungyoun before he later realized he wasn't  _that_ selfless and that in the end, he knew he couldn't just give Seungyoun up. For whatever Seungyoun wanted to give him now, he'll be patient. For however long it takes Seungyoun to realize that he deserves someone so much better than Hangyul, the latter would just have to savor each moment while they last.

"Hangyul-ah..." Hangyul remembered Seungyoun whimpering between their kisses.

"Hmm?" the younger hummed turning his attention to the pulse under Seungyoun's jaw, sending delicious vibrations that he wanted the older to feel from his toes to his scalp.

"I--" Seungyoun hesitated with a voice so thick that for a second there, Hangyul thought his heart was about to explode in anticipation. There were words he longed to hear the older say. 

"I like you so fucking much, Lee Hangyul."

Stunned at the emotions permeating the hot, thick air that surrounded them in Seungyoun's room, Hangyul lifted his head from the older's neck to look at his eyes. And even though he admits that he expected those three big words, he needed to remember that he'd rather take whatever he can get, than get nothing at all. 

He could still remember Seungyoun staring up at him with alarm in his eyes as if he gave away too much.  _But that's not nearly enough_ _, _the selfish but cowardly part of Hangyul wanted to tell Seungyoun.

Their deep heavy breaths were the only thing you could hear, and the silence wouldn't have been broken if Hangyul hadn't giggled at the sight of the furious blush that spread from the older's cheeks to his ears and then down his chest.

"I know," Hangyul chuckled before stealing a kiss from Seungyoun's semi-parted lips. "I like you, too, hyung."

So, yeah, it didn't really come as a total suprise to Hangyul when later that night, he woke up beside a sleeping Seungyoun who had his back turned towards him and  knew  with a hundred percent certainty deep in his heart that he has indeed fallen head over heels in love with the older.

"Hyung," Hangyul whispered a decibel higher than a whisper, checking to see if the older was awake.

Seungyoun shifted in his sleep, slowly and sloppily turning so that he could sidle up to Hangyul and plaster his naked torso to the younger's equally bare upper body.

Hangyul maneuvered their bodies so that the older was pillowing his arm before he wrapped his other arm around Seungyoun's shoulder, making the older mumble something incoherent against Hangyul's bare skin. Scarily enough, it sounded much like, "Never leave me, ok?"

But Hangyul refused to dwell on it too much as he, at the same time, tried to stop Seungyoun's sleeptalking from echoing inside his head. So Hangyul just drew his head back and reached up with his free hand to comb Seungyoun's bangs away from his face, pressing a soft kiss on the older's forehead.

The older responded by rubbing his cheek against Hangyul's chest, humming a soft sound of pleasure before promptly falling back to sleep.

That is exactly when Hangyul realized that as much as he took pride on being afraid of absolutely nothing, that wasn't completely true anymore. Because even while he could feel Seungyoun's heart beating against his side, it scared the living daylights out of him to think that with their current arrangement, Seungyoun wasn't really  _his_ . That whatever bubble they were in could burst anytime. That there was still the possibility that he just misinterpreted Seungyoun's feelings for him.

Hangyul was terrified of the notion that he was in love with someone who might not actually be willing to give him more than his body.  _Goddammit. _ How did he get from being so sure Seungyoun loved him to being insecure about it?

Hangyul remembered tightening his arms more securely around Seungyoun, as if he could pull him close enough to make him stay or make this all real or let his own heartbeat thump its way into confessing without Hangyul having to actually put his own feelings into words. Because he knew he'll never get around to initiating spilling his feelings onto Seungyoun. He was bad with feelings. Which was also the reason why he resorted to making an attempt at trying to shove said feelings away and far from him by going on a date with Yohan who had been hitting on him since forever.

It didn't really violate any of his agreement with Seungyoun to go on a date with anyone—they weren't exclusive after all—but Hangyul didn't miss the sense of wrongness that loomed over him as he tried to not be an ass and to take interest in whatever he and Yohan were talking about.

It was quite a challenge when all he could do was compare Yohan to his Seungyoun hyung. Their conversation habits, the softness in their gazes, their hand gestures, the sound of their voice.

Yohan was lovely but Hangyul had to face it: He was too in love with Cho Seungyoun to look at anyone else in a romantic way. It was that bad.

Even worse was when, in the middle of Hangyul's realization, Cho Seungyoun's side profile entered his line of vision, as if Hangyul's longing to be with Seungyoun instead of Yohan actually caused the former to materialize before his very eyes.

But Seungyoun was headed—no, he was stomping towards the exit, hands balled into fists, shoulders tense. And Lee Hangyul knew at that moment that Seungyoun saw him with Yohan, and that he had seriously fucked up.

He rose from his seat, causing Yohan's eyes to widen and follow Hangyul's eyes which were fixated on the doors through which Seungyoun disappeared. The other guy asked what was wrong but Hangyul forced himself to sit back down, and have the decency and grace to not make Yohan feel as if he was itching to leave. When in reality, he actually was.

Yohan was nice and Hangyul was an ass. What was he doing wasting Yohan's precious time and at the same time, letting the love of his life walk away?

So he decided he will just let the date come to its natural conclusion because Yohan deserved that much. He'll just head over to Seungyoun's flat tomorrow.

But Yohan had a different idea.

"Look. Just tell me straight up, who did you see earlier?" Yohan asked, cutting himself off from telling a story about one of his Taekwondo matches when he noticed Hangyul intermittently spacing out and trying his hardest to be mentally present. And failing.

Hangyul's eyes widened in guilt from Yohan's question and truthfully, that was all the comfirmation Yohan needed.

"Go," Yohan said, motioning towards the exit with his chin. "You look like you just let the love of your life walk away. I don't want to be the reason for that."

It took Hangyul about half a minute to process what Yohan was asking him to do and its implications. Then his phone beeped with a message from Seungyoun, basically asking him to stay away.  _As if. _ It was a confirmation that Seungyoun saw what Hangyul knew he did, and it was a giveaway that he and older are right at the threshold between being platonic and being something more.

All they had to do was be brave enough to cross it. Together.

"You have no idea," was all Hangyul could say in reply before he gave Yohan a polite bow, then fled the scene hurriedly.

So that was how Hangyul found himself at Seungyoun's doorstep with his heart on his sleeves, adrenaline and courage pushing him to prepare to spill his guts.

"Please... Seungyoun hyung..." he pleaded, not knowing when to give up, and neither wanting nor planning to.

Because it gave him a tiny bit of hope to know that Seungyoun reacted the way he did. There must be something there—something deep and real—for the both of them to be feeling the way they are now.

And the door swung open just a second shy from Hangyul doubting himself again—doubting this again—and he was met by a Seungyoun who wouldn't even look him in the eye.

Hangyul noted that the older's hair was tousled, as if it was previously neatly-styled before Seungyoun ran his fingers through them one too many times. He wanted to just reach out and smooth the older's hair out, smooth his loose button down shirt that was a size too big, and smooth the wrinkles of worry in Seungyoun's forehead.

But before he could do or say anything else, there was a flurry of arms and Hangyul found himself receiving a hurried & desperate kiss from the older.

It was obvious the older had moved first but it didn't have to take a second before Hangyul's arms were circling around the older's waist, pressing their bodies together feverishly, and moving his lower limbs so they were both inside the house without having to break the kiss.

Seungyoun had his hands in Hangyul's cheeks, demanding Hangyul to grant him entrance with his tongue to which the younger obeyed with no hesitation.

Hangyul sneaked his hands up the back of Seungyoun's shirt, and drew back a second to catch his breath when the older started peppering kisses all over his jaw, ear, and neck.

"I need you," Seungyoun cried against Hangyul's shoulder, making the younger slow down the motion of his hands. Seungyoun sounded so small, so broken. 

Hangyul drew his head even further back as the older buried his face in Hangyul's neck, their chests heaving with the effort to regain the oxygen they lost from the kiss, and making Hangyul's head spin. He stared at the dark ceiling and wet his lips with his tongue, catching a taste of his lover, before he replied. "I'm all yours, Seungyoun hyung," he confessed, splaying his fingers across the smooth skin of the older's back, pulling their torsos closer as if they couldn't get close enough. He made to duck and wait for Seungyoun to lift his head so they could pick it up exactly right where they left off, to no avail.

"No," Seungyun protested as he looped his arms around Hangyul's neck tightly. "You don't understand, Hangyul-ah.  _I need you_ ," he clarified, finally rendering Hangyul speechless and motionless at the weight & gravity that Seungyoun's tone bore.

Hangyul made to ask  _What do you mean?_ when he felt his neck getting wet from what could only be Seungyoun's tears.

"In my life. I need you, Lee Hangyul," Seungyoun declared with tiny sniffles, and while small sobs racked his body, leaving no room for the younger to misinterpret.

So there it was. For Hangyul to take at face value. No more overthinking. No more second-guessing. And Hangyul could either chicken out and regret this for the rest of his life, or dive in headfirst and take the older's words for what he wanted them to mean.

He chooses the latter. And maybe he'll need the time to wrap his head around all these later on. But for now...

"I meant what I said, hyung," Hangyul whispered, turning his head so that he could kiss the top of Seungyoun's head, heart broken at the sound of sniffles coming from the older. "I'm all yours. In any way you want. I'm all yours. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

Hangyul had the pleasure of feeling Seungyoun tightening his arms around his neck as every layer of pretense was slowly being peeled off from between them. So he nudged Seungyoun's head with his shoulder so that they could look into each other's eyes.

Seunyoun's beautiful face held traces of tears but his lips were pursed in a small, hopeful smile as a moment passed with them just gazing upon each other, letting their eyes do the talking.

_Fine. He'll say it first._ "Yah, Cho Seungyoun-ssi. I love you so much," Hangyul finally whispered before he turned to lay a small kiss at the older's wrist that was resting on his shoulder. "I don't know when or how but I do. I love you."

Seungyoun's heart soared at the gesture but if they were going to do this, he wanted to be sure. "I was supposed to confess tomorrow. I wanted to buy you your favorite cake but then I saw you--"

"Ssshh," Hangyul interrupted. "I'm a moron," he said as he wiped Seungyoun's damned tears with the back of his fingers while his free hand rested on the older's hip.

"Don't do that again," Seungyoun whined, pressing a quick but hard kiss on Hangyul's lips as if marking him. "I thought for sure you grew tired of--"

This time, it was Hangyul who dove in, interrupting Seungyoun from saying words that no longer mattered, and communicating so much more than what he had the courage to put into words. Also because well, he's told Seungyoun he loved him already, hasn't he?

Seungyoun moaned at the kiss, whimpering when Hangyul decided to be a devil with his tongue gently licking at his upper lip, causing Seungyoun's knees to go weak.

"By the way," Seungyoun panted, tearing his lips from Hangyul for a second, "I love you, too, stupid."

Hangyul never thought anyone could ever be as thankful and pleased as he was to be called stupid. But, well, it was Cho Seungyoun. The guy could call Hangyul any name he wanted for all that he cared. As long as who he ultimately was, was _Cho Seungyoun's_.

**Author's Note:**

> no, i didn't mean to imply that hangyul is into name-calling ok??? lol
> 
> maybe i wrote a pining&jealous!seungyoun fic bc we'll never get it irl, maybe not. who knows?
> 
> buy the wheyyy, im @choimineul both on [twitter](http://twitter.com/choimineul) and [curiouscat](http://curiouscat.me/choimineul) so please feel free to scream at me and/or join me in salvaging this ship
> 
> SEUNGYUL NATION RISE


End file.
